Breaking the Habit
by Symee-Sama
Summary: Where had his control gone? When had he become an animal? Duo walked slowly towards the door as if he was stuck in a dream, every step echoing in his head like a death knell. What would she say if she could see him now?


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing

WARNING: Mature themes, and bad language.

Breaking the Habit  
By Symee-Sama

_././Memories consume, like opening the wounds, I'm picking me apart again././_

Duo looked at the flames that were licking the walls of his home, and for one horrific moment, he felt like he was eight years old again, staring at the fiery remains of the Maxwell Church. He stood transfixed for a few moments, trapped in the painful memories before he was brought back to reality by a shrill scream.

"Hilde!" He yelled, running into the rubble. "Hilde!" He heard her calling his name, and without sparing a thought for his own safety, he ran into the flames. "Hilde!" He called again, trying to see through the stinging smoke. He had to find her!

Blindly, he followed the sound of her voice, almost crying with relief when he finally found her. "Duo?" She whispered when he rushed to her side. "I knew you'd come," she smiled and tried to say more, but was interrupted by a coughing fit that wracked her tiny body.

Gently, Duo shushed her, picking her up as if she weighed nothing, and carried her from the wreckage that had been their home. The next thing he knew, he was sprawled across the pavement, cursing his legs for giving out on him.

Still cursing, he crawled over to Hilde, brushing bits of ash from her face. "Hil," he began in a weak voice. "What happened?" He gripped her hand as she softly recounted how the mobile suits had landed on the colony and had only attacked their home.

"The fire spread," she said, her eyes glazing over as she lost herself in her memories. "But they didn't spread it, it happened naturally." Her eyes snapped back into focus. "The wanted you, Duo. They wanted your Gundam... they said that they needed it for the new war." She coughed again, and this time, her hand was bloody as she pulled it away from her mouth. "Don't let them start another war."

"They already started it," Duo said darkly, not seeing the fear that had suddenly crept into her eyes. "But I'll be the one to finish it." He looked down at her bleeding form, and cringed. "Hilde...." He whispered as he pulled out the ring, slipping it onto her finger. He had wanted romance for this moment; music, sweet scents, and dancing.

Instead, they were in the street, a disturbing symphony of screams weaving itself around them, the smell of blood, death, and smoke overpowering any other smells, but it had to be now. He knew that she wouldn't last much longer.

"Marry me?"

Hilde smiled weakly. "Did you even have to ask?" Still smiling at him, she lifted her hand, looking at the ring. "Duo..." She whispered and drew a shuddering breath. "It's beautiful..." Hilde reached for him, coughing up more blood for her efforts. "I... I just wish I could stay long enough to honor the promise that it makes."

"Don't talk like that," Duo scolded her gently, holding her close to him. "You're going to make it, Hil."

She smiled again. "You always were a terrible liar..." She looked at him with filmy eyes. "I don't even need to see your face, your voice gives you away." She laughed softly, ignoring the blood that stained her lips. "Duo..."

He held her trembling form, kissing the ring that he had placed on her finger. "I love you, Hilde Schbeiker." He whispered, clutching her hand as if doing so would keep her with him. "Please don't leave me."

"Duo..." She sighed again, as she went limp in his arms, unable to find the strength to even hold herself up any longer. "I don't want to go, Duo." Tears flowed from her eyes. "I'm scared..." Her voice wavered, and her hand dropped, falling awkwardly over his stomach. He watched as her eyes went out of focus, knowing that she couldn't see him anymore.

"I'm so scared," she whispered and let out one last shuddering breath.

Duo waited, waited for her to breathe again, but she didn't. She simply lay there, staring at him with eyes that couldn't see. Tears formed in his eyes, and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear them. She was gone... she was gone and his life was over.

Gently, he rocked her back and forth, like one would rock a child, not caring that people were staring at him. All he could see was her; smiling at him when he entered a room, laughing at one of his jokes, looking at him with such love in her eyes that he thought his heart would break, and then he saw her as she was now. Empty, soulless....dead.

Wiping at his eyes, he picked her up and turned back to his house. She was gone and there was nothing he could do other than join her... A determined look on his face, he walked past the stunned watchers into the flames that would send him to oblivion... that would send him to join her.

&8&8&8&8&

_././You all assume, I'm safe hear in my room, unless I try to start again..././_

He woke up screaming, clutching his chest in an effort to calm his furiously beating heart. It was just a dream, he told himself, and if he looked to his right, she would be lying right there beside him, just like she always had. Blindly, he felt for her sleeping form, praying to feel her skin under his fingers, but like always, he found nothing.

The dream that haunted his nights was real, a memory that kept replaying in his head, refusing to let him forget the day that her life had ended, and that his had lost its purpose. He buried his face in his hands, refusing to let the tears forming behind his eyes to escape. Hilde wouldn't have wanted him to cry for her.

But would she have wanted him to live like he was now? A purposeless, soulless existence where he simply went through the motions? No, she would have hated seeing him like this, but damn it, he couldn't escape it. She was gone, and without her... there was nothing for him in this world.

He let himself fall back down to the bed, staring at the ceiling, and cursing his best friend for saving his life.

_Why?_ He wanted to scream. _Why didn't you let me die, Heero? I would be happier. Everyone would be happier because you wouldn't have to put up with my shit all the time._

He heard a timid knock at the door, and called the person in without looking away from the ceiling. He knew who it was. She came every night after she was woken by his screams. She would give him enough time to compose himself, then she would come in and they would talk.

"Duo?" Her voice trembled slightly when she spoke his name. It always did. It was almost as if she was afraid of the man that he had become.

He couldn't blame her though, not really. He had changed a great deal since Hilde's death. He hid behind a facade that could've rivaled Heero's, except that his was one of forced cheerfulness. Relena had broken through that facade once, and what she had seen - he paused to correct himself - what he had done, was enough to stop her from even trying again.

"Hey," he turned to his best friend's wife, moving over so she could sit on the bed beside him. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's all right," Relena smiled slightly, but refused to look at him, and Duo knew that she was lying. "I don't mind." She turned to face him, lacing her fingers in his. "You had that dream again, didn't you?" She asked, her pale blue eyes piercing her soul.

"Yeah," his reply was as offhanded as he could make it. "I can't stop thinking about it. They killed her because of me, Lena. I might as well have aimed the gun at her and pulled the trigger." He turned away from her, looking out the window.

"That's not true," her voice was quiet, and he wondered if he had hurt her feelings when he had turned away from her. Probably. He was always hurting the people who were close to him. "This isn't your fault, Duo." He heard her voice falter, and waited for her to retreat from the topic like she always did.

"And letting your life go to waste won't bring her back." Duo spun around, the anger visible on his face. She had overstepped the boundaries. Again. He wondered briefly what the hell she was thinking. The last time that she gone too far, it had taken Heero and Wufei to restrain him before he could hurt her.

But this time, they were alone. He knew that Heero wasn't home, or else he would have been in here with them. A small voice in Duo's head whispered that this wasn't what he wanted to do. He didn't want to hurt Relena, but then the voice was swept away as his anger rose and consumed him, body and soul.

"What do you know about anything?" He screamed at her, grabbing her arm and twisting it around until she winced in pain. "Do you know how it feels to lose everything? Do you?" She shook her head minutely. "It feels like your heart has been ripped out, and there's nothing but an empty space where it used to be." He threw her to the ground, ignoring her cry as her shoulder collided with the hard floor.

"What makes it worse was that if it weren't for me, she would still be alive!" He towered menacingly over her for a moment before he reached down, and pulled her roughly to her feet. "I killed her! If I had been brave enough to let her go, then she would still be alive right now!" Relena let out a groan when he shoved her against a wall, leaning close to her, a crazed look in his eyes.

"Would you rather that I hated you?" She asked softly, and he froze, looking into her clear blue eyes. "I did when I heard the news. I kept thinking that if she hadn't loved you, she would have lived." Tears flowed down her cheeks as the grief that she had kept so well hidden spilled out. "But then I started thinking that even if she knew what was going to happen, she would have stayed. She would have stayed, Duo!"

She winced when he jammed her against the wall. "And if it had been Heero that they were after, and I knew that the outcome would've been. I would have stayed too." She stared at him with tear-stained eyes. "So let her rest, Duo, and don't hate yourself for events that are beyond your control." He drew his fist back, willing to do anything to stop the words that were coming out of her mouth.

Relena closed her eyes, bracing herself for the hit that she knew was coming. "I loved her too." She whispered, flinching as Duo's fist smashed into the wall mere inches from her head. She felt her legs give out, and didn't resist the slow slide to the floor.

Duo stared at her helplessly. He had hurt her. He had been moments away from pounding her into a bloody pulp because she spoke the truth. He knew that now. He knew that he wasn't to blame for Hilde's death, but he still couldn't let her go. It was almost as if his guilt was his last line to her, and he didn't want to let that go.

"Relena," he breathed out slowly as he took a step away from her. He wanted to apologise, to condemn himself for his actions, but he couldn't find the words. He turned from her, unable to look at her crumpled form any longer.

"Don't go," she said weakly, but he ignored her. He couldn't stay here any longer. What if he got angry again? What if he wasn't stopped the next time? He knew that if it happened again, he would hurt her. If she made him angry enough he would kill her.

Where had his control gone? When had he become an animal? No, worse than an animal. He was a monster. He walked slowly towards the door as if her were stuck in a dream, every step echoing in his head like a death knell. He stumbled out the door, the cool night air of the colony clearing his head enough for him to pick up his pace.

What would Hilde think of him if she could see what he had become?

&8&8&8&8&

_././I don't want to be the one the battles always choose, 'cause inside I realise, I'm the one confused././_

It was dawn before Duo allowed himself to slow his pace again. He had been on the streets for hours now, running until the pain overcame his senses, and then sitting on the curbs of the empty streets until he was ready to run again.

He had to get away, he had to get as far from Relena as he possibly could. He didn't want to hurt her again. Still cursing himself, he walked aimlessly around the streets, nodding politely at the people opening their stores, barely registering the replies.

What had he done? How far would he have gone before he had come to his sense and stopped? How could he ever face her again? His mind consumed with guilt, Duo blinked and...

_In his mind, he wasn't wandering the streets anymore. He was fighting with Heero. "Don't you ever touch her again!" His best friend yelled., launching himself at the braided pilot. "She was trying to help you, and you hurt her!"_

_Duo laughed, bracing himself for Heero's hit, and pushing the other pilot away with relative ease. "You shouldn't attack when you're angry," he mocked. "It clouds the thinking." His foot shot out, and caught Heero in the stomach, nearly dropping him to his knees. Duo laughed again. "You're better than this."_

_Heero winced as he missed another punch, this one connecting with his shoulder, and lunged at the braided pilot, this time catching him and ramming him against the wall. Duo seemed unperturbed by this though, and clenched both his hands together and brought them down as hard as he could on Heero's back._

_This time, Heero did go to his knees, and he spat blood before looking up at Duo defiantly. "If Hilde saw you like this," he drew out the words, watching the other pilots face carefully. "It would kill her." He grunted as Duo pulled him to his feet, and rained blows down upon him. _

_Duo threw carefully calculated punches, forcing Heero backwards until he hit the wall. There was the sickening crunch of bones as Duo's fist connected with his friend's face. "What's wrong with you?" Heero asked quietly, still looking to the side. "Why are you doing this Duo?"_

"I don't know," Duo pulled away from the other pilot, pulled away from the memory, and once again, found himself on the streets of L1.

"I don't know," he repeated, as he stepped into an alley, knowing what was waiting for him there.

&8&8&8&8&

_././I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream././_

Duo turned to face the three men who surrounded him. "Hello boys," he smiled and glanced around him looking for things that he could use to his advantage. "What can I do for you?"

"You're in the wrong place, bud," the tallest one growled, moving closer to him. "Especially after what you did to my brother last week." He smiled cruelly, idly tapping a baseball bat against his hand. "We're going to fuck you up!"

All of them lunged at once, lashing out with bats and fists, and Duo stumbled backwards, the world spinning from the force of the blows. He waited, balancing on the balls of his feet as he they regrouped, and when they lunged at him again, he dropped into a crouch, knocking them all off their feet with a sweep of his foot.

"I'm not in the wrong place at all," Duo smiled as a knife materialized in his hand, and he drove into the throat of the nearest thug. "And I don't think that I'm going to be the one who's fucked up." He laughed as his knife slashed across the throat of another thug, leaving only the tall one.

"You fucker!" He screamed, and pulled out a gun, and shot once, twice. Duo laughed, and walked forward, his body jerking as the thug emptied the gun into him. The man's eyes were wide with fear and disbelief. By all rights, this braided psycho should be dead, but he was still walking towards him, that crazed look in his eyes. "H- How?"

"I don't explain myself to dead men," Duo said simply, and drove his knife into the man's heart, twisting it before pulling it out. He watched dispassionately as the man died, his eyes still wide with fear and pain, and then made the sign of the cross over the bodies of all three men, muttering a few words for each of them.

He always did this for the people he killed, he wasn't sure if it was out of habit or in a cruel mockery of the God who had taken so much from him, but he did it anyway. Whatever the reason, it calmed him. It never absolved him, but it calmed him down.

Already, Duo could feel the rage draining out of him. Only to be replaced with a familiar hollowness. Was this how he was going to live out the rest of his life? Threatening the people he loved and killing thugs in back alleyways?

_././I don't know why I instigate, and say what I don't mean././_

He flinched when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. Had more of them come? Was he going to die here in this alley? Slowly, he looked at the offending hand, letting his gaze run up the arm to the owners face. "Heero?" He whispered. "Is that you, buddy?"

The other man didn't answer, simply moved with cat-like grace, and pinned the braided man against the wall. "Why'd you do it?" He half-growled. "Why'd you hurt her, Duo? Tell me!" He increased the pressure on his friend's neck, until Duo found it hard to breathe.

"She was asking for it." Duo sneered, his face twisting into something hideous. "She should have known better than to try to fuck me over again."

Heero's face relaxed, showing the pain that he was hiding. The fear for his wife and his best friend. "She's trying to help you. We're all trying to help you. Why won't you let us?"

"It's not your job to help me," Duo said, his voice breaking slightly. "You're not required to help me."

Heero smiled tiredly. "This has nothing to do with jobs and requirements." He looked around him, and blinked rapidly as if he was seeing the dead bodies for the first time. "Is this your work?" He asked, and when Duo nodded, he looked down at his friend's body. "You've been shot."

"Don't worry about it," Duo dismissed his concern with a wave of his hand. "I've got a vest on, by the morning it'll be nothing more than a couple of bruises."

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Heero snapped, shaking his friend slightly. "It'll accomplish nothing!"

_././I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright././_

"Are you saying that you'd be any different if Relena died?" Duo countered. "Are you saying you'd be all smiles and laughter if she died and left you behind? We're nothing without them Heero! Without them we're nothing, but murderers, cold-blooded killers who were pardoned."

"I don't believe that," Heero replied quietly.

"But we both know you wouldn't be able to live without Relena," Duo laughed bitterly. "So don't ask me to live without Hilde."

Heero ignored him, instead turning his face skywards, a shadow passing over his face. "Rebel forces have appeared in great numbers above a nearby colony. We believe that they're the same group that killed Hilde, and are responsible for the destruction of colony X-07461. It seems that X-03485 is their next target."

"Kill them," Duo's voice was so low that Heero had to strain to hear it. "Kill all the bastards for me." His hands clenched and unclenched. The blood pounded in his ears and the world washed over with red. This was his chance, his chance to avenge Hilde, but he couldn't bring himself to take it. Not in the condition that he was in now.

"You're not coming?" Heero shot him a confused look. He was sure that this was what Duo needed. There was a chance that the deaths of the men who'd killed the woman he loved would give him some closure.

"No, I'd be just as likely to turn my guns on you. The last thing you need is me up there." He smiled self-deprecatingly. "You go on, buddy boy, and I'll be cheering you on from down here." His smile vanished as an explosion rocked the colony. He motioned for Heero to get going, and the other pilot nodded, turning to leave.

"Duo," Heero turned back to the braided pilot, his fist clenching and unclenching in anticipation. "Protect Relena for me," and then he was gone. Duo was frozen for a moment, staring at where his friend had last stood, and as he made his way back to the house that Heero and Relena shared, not sure if he would ever see him again.

_././So I'm breaking the habit. I'm breaking the habit tonight./_

_&8&8&8&8&_

_././Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door. I try to catch my breath again././_

Relena was there waiting for him when Duo made it back. He could see the lines of worry that had been etched into her face since he'd moved in, and cursed himself for every single one of them. Smiling slightly, he held out his hand to her – his smile faltering a little when she hesitated – and led her into his room.

"Relena," he whispered, collapsing onto his bed, and pulling her down with him, "it's too damn bad that you're with Heero." He laughed breathlessly. "I think that you could've been the one to save me."

"Don't talk like that," she scolded him as she peeled his ruined shirt from his body, and removed the bullet proof vest he wore underneath it. "I suppose I should be grateful that you wear this thing." She winced as she saw the bruises that marred his body. "But I wish that you didn't need it at all."

"It's something I need to do," Duo closed his eyes, not reacting to the cold cloth that she pressed against his chest. "I can't just sit at home and watch the news."

"But you're killing yourself!" Relena moved away from him, not able to bear the look in his eyes.

_././I hurt much more, than anytime before, I have no options left again././_

"I have to do it, Lena," he sat up carefully, and pulled her back to him. "I don't know how to explain it, but I know that I have to do this." He pressed his lips against her forehead, and his hands moved to cup her face, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

She whispered his name as his lips moved over her face to capture hers, and clung to him, moulding her body to his. He wanted her in a way he hadn't wanted anyone since Hilde's death, and he knew that she had grown to have similar feelings for him.

But how would he ever be able to look Heero in the eye if he continued this? How would he be able to laugh with his best friend when he was lusting after his wife? Duo sighed heavily, making his mind up in that instant. He couldn't do it. He'd ruined enough lives with his greed. He'd destroyed Hilde because he hadn't been strong enough to let her go.

He wouldn't do the same to Heero and Relena. "Like I said," he moved away from her, still running a finger over her lips, "it's too bad that you're with Heero."

She smiled sadly at him, understanding and pain warring within her eyes. "Thank you for stopping," she grabbed his hand, and squeezed it. "I… I just don't know what to say anymore, Duo." The tears started flowing again. "I'm worried about Heero, and I'm worried about you." She buried her head in his shoulder. "Both of you are in so much danger all the time. Risking your lives… and I want to be selfish. I want to keep you both here with me, but I can't, and I'm so tired of being scared!"

"I know," Duo soothed gently, lying down, and pulling her down with him. "Just sleep, Lena. I won't leave you."

"Duo…" Relena shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know if we should…"

"Purely platonic," Duo assured her, and rubbed her back gently. "Now sleep."

He listened to her breathing, and knew, a few minutes later that she was indeed asleep, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from her, and leave. With a start, he realized that he needed the human touch and reassurance almost as much as Relena did. He held her tighter, wondering what Hilde would think of him if she could see him now.

&8&8&8&8&

_././I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream././_

Duo was awake in an instant, his mind quickly taking in the heat that filled the air, and the flames that were licking the walls. He could vaguely remember the explosion that had caused this; a roar of sound followed by the world turning white. He looked to Relena, and saw that she was unconscious and bleeding profusely from a wound to her head.

Cursing, he gathered her in his arms and carried her to the door, testing the handle and pulling back with a yelp. Shit. It was burning hot, which meant that the hallway was on fire, and he wouldn't be able to make it out that way.

His eyes scanned the room. The door was the only conventional exit from the room, but the windows were probably large enough to get through… He didn't think twice before grabbing the chair from his desk and throwing it through the window, shielding Relena as best he could as the glass shattered.

The air was cool on his skin as he stepped onto the roof, carrying Relena with him. He had to jump to the ground. Duo's mind raced as he calculated the variables; he was weak from inhaling too much smoke, he was weak from the fight he'd had earlier, and his feet were bleeding from the glass he had stepped on. Duo grimaced, knowing that he wouldn't be able to make the jump easily.

His knees buckled as he hit the ground, and he absorbed the impact the best he could, so he wouldn't hurt Relena any more than she already had been. Despite his cautions, she still groaned as they hit the ground, and her eyes fluttered open to look at him. "Duo…" she whispered softly. "Don't leave me alone. I'm so scared…" Her voice cracked and trailed off, leaving Duo with tears in his eyes and images of Hilde swarming his mind.

He hated himself as he passed her to the nearest medic, trying his hardest to ignore her pitiful cries. He didn't want to leave her alone, he really didn't, but there was another place that he was needed. One where he was finally sure that he could make a difference.

_././But now I have some clarity to show you what I mean././_

So he closed his eyes, and wished he could block out the sound of her pleas, and walked away from her. Her injuries weren't too severe, she would survive, and he had a job to do. He had to make sure that he could protect the other aspects of her life too.

He owed her that for all he had put her through. She had shown him that his life still had meaning, and he had thrown it back in her face, not wanting to hear the words, not wanting the believe the truths she spoke. It was time for him to stop running away. To face his fears and help those who had helped him when he needed it.

He let himself into the hangar, not caring who saw him enter it, not this time, and stared at his Deathscythe, its great eyes glowing green in the dim moonlight. "This'll be the end of it, eh old buddy?" Duo's voice echoed around the deserted hangar as he stepped onto the lift.

"I'm not going to say that we didn't have a good run," it was second nature for him now to make the jump between the lift and his Gundam, and he made it quickly, not even stopping to think about the distance he would fall if he missed. "But I think that it's time for us to retire," Duo gave a small smile as he shrugged into the safety harness.

This was the best way for things to go. It had been wrong of him to let Heero go up there to fight alone. His smile grew a little as he started his Gundam, keying in the access codes and inputting coordinates that would take him to the battle raging outside the colony.

It was time for the God of Death to live up to his name, and by doing so, give life to those he loved. Duo's smile faded, but he was damned if he knew how he was going to do it. He hadn't touched the Gundam since Hilde's death, and his skills were rusty.

He estimated that at best, he would be fighting at half of his normal capacity.

The thrusters ignited, pushing him back against the seat as they strained to free themselves from the man made gravity of the colony. He would do the best that he could. He would help his friends, and if he died trying, then at least he would be able to see Hilde again.

_././I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright././_

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself get used to the feel of Deathscythe's controls in his hands, and only opened them when a tell tale beeping filled the cockpit. A chilling smile crossed his face as he opened his eyes and faced his first enemy, slicing through it easily with his scythe.

He didn't pause to readjust himself to fighting, simply let his instincts guide him through the battlefield. He even laughed a little as a suit exploded beside him. The God of Death was back again, and for the first time in months, Hilde was the last thing on his mind.

He could hear the screams of the other pilots through his voice-comm, but didn't hesitate as he sent them to meet their maker. "It's your own fault for fighting!" He heard someone yell, and realized, seconds later that it had been him. "If you didn't want to die, then you shouldn't be fighting!"

He heard another voice, one that was oddly familiar through his voice-comm, and stopped for a moment, realizing that every enemy suit within a mile radius of him had been destroyed. He turned his attention to the voice that filled his cockpit.

"What d'you want?" He asked lazily, idly searching for more mobile suits on his radar. "Who are you?"

"Duo," An unfamiliar face appeared on a small screen in front of him. "What's wrong with you?" Duo frowned at the image, watching as this stranger tried desperately to maintain contact with him.

"Nothing's wrong with me, buddy boy," Duo laughed as he killed the vid-comm, and sent Deathscythe soaring towards the nearest mobile suit. "I'm having the time of my life."

He swung with his scythe, expecting the battle to be over with that one hit, but instead, was thrown back in his seat as his blow was blocked, and the opposing suit rammed its fist into Deathscythe's middle. "Well. I'll be damned! Someone with some skill!"

He aimed another blow at the opposing suit, and watched as the pilot blocked it again, and leveled his suit's blaster at Duo. "Now, that's not fair," Duo tensed. The suit was only a few feet away from him. There was no way that it would miss at this distance, and chances were, that it could blow him away before he moved.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Duo?" Heero's face appeared once more on his vid-comm. "It's me you've been fighting."

Duo blinked groggily, shaking his head as if to clear it. "Heero?" He whispered, disgusted with himself, and horrified by what he had been trying to do. "I warned you, man. I told you what would happen if I came up here."

"So why are you up here?" Heero asked him, the barrel of his gun still aimed squarely at Duo's chest. "Why did you come to fight even though you knew you'd be dangerous to your allies?"

"They nearly got Relena," Duo watched, drained of emotion as Heero's eyes widened and then narrowed into slits. "There was an explosion and the house was on fire. I got her out. I got her to safety, and she begged me not to leave her alone."

"But you did," Heero's voice was flat, an eerie echo from the past. An echo of a time when he had been stripped of his humanity, and before he had met the woman who restored it to him. "You left her scared, hurt and alone."

_././I'm breaking the habit. I'm breaking the habit././_

"I had to," Duo sighed, not expecting his friend to understand. "I have to do this, Heero." He waited for a moment until the other pilot had lowered his gun, and then lunged at him, throwing the weapon away, and spinning the Gundam around.

"I'm sorry about this," Duo muttered as he reached around and disabled Wing Zero's power pack. "It has to be done though." He gave a sad smile, and shoved his best friend away from him, watching silently as he floated back towards the colony.

"What are you doing, Duo?" Heero's voice was hoarse with fear and betrayal. "What are you going to do?"

"What has to be done," Duo sighed, and his shoulders slumped forward a little as he maneuvered his Gundam to face to oncoming mobile suits. "There are too many coming, Heero. You wouldn't be able to defeat them all, and neither would I in this condition. They would destroy the colony. Destroy everything there was left for either of us in this world."

His fingers were a blur as they moved over the keys, inputting the self-detonation sequence, and setting his target for the oncoming mobile suits. "Tell Relena… I'm sorry. Tell her – tell her that if the circumstances were different, she would've been the one to save me."

"I don't understand." Heero frowned slightly, his Gundam still moving haplessly towards the colony.

"You don't need to," Duo assured him, and with a small wave, killed the connection with Heero. He fired his main thrusters, and sliced through the first few mobile suits that tried to stop him. His plan would only work if he was in the middle of their formation.

He reached the middle of their formation, and watched as they slowed their advance in order to surround him. Stupid fools. Duo watched as the time ticked down. Ten seconds left. Then five.

He heard someone shout an order to kill him, and smiled again. It was too late for that. Much too late. He opened his eyes briefly at the last second, and they widened in surprise. Hilde was there with him. She had come for him, and somehow he knew he would never be alone again.

_././I'm breaking the habit tonight././_

Author's Note: This was technically a challenge fic that I started after I got a review for Deceptions in which the reviewer complained that the minor relationships always went fairly well, while Heero and Relena's relationships were always rocky. So I decided to write a fic where everything isn't hugs and puppies for Duo and Hilde. I have no idea how well it worked out. So... please, if you have any comments, criticisms, or...you know... anything to say, review! And for those of you who are interested, Kryptonite will be the next story that I'll update.


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